Two things happened to me this week that knocked me down career wise, really, really hard. One is more upsetting than the other, but both have had an impact and it is super hard for me to be okay with it. I feel like a failure, like an impostor in my aspirations, and feel dampened in my spirit and my confidence. But letting all of this get to me isn't going to get me anywhere, is it?
Firstly, I am not ignoring my feelings because that would be detrimental and painful in the long run. I am acknowledging that I feel sad, embarrassed and sick to my stomach. I'm not suppressing any of it. But in acknowledging these feelings, I am trying hard to focus on the energy that they come with and instead of letting them wreck havoc on my emotions, I am channelling this energy into fuelling more positive and productive emotions. Instead of trying to combat the feelings by stepping back and viewing them objectively, I am stepping towards them so that I can use the experience to shape a new plan of action and turn my failure into fire.
The first failure was that I missed out in a competition that would have helped towards making Elizabeth and White a recognised entrepreneurial business. Part of me wants to shy away and turn into myself with shame, and in doing so will inevitably punish myself for not being good enough. I feel like I missed out because I am a failure and I haven't got the confidence of other people in both my business and myself, so am I wrong to believe in it myself? I could sit and list the possible answers to this with tears in my eyes, OR, I could bypass the list and instead work on answering the problems that my failure has created. If people are struggling to see the value of my business, then it means I have to double down and work hard to make it something that deserves value and credit from everyone, including myself. If my business hasn't gained the confidence of others, then I need to use my own confidence to make it something to be respected. Instead of sitting and punishing myself, I am sitting and acknowledging and PUSHING myself to do the things I need to do to get me to the place I need to be. I am not setting out to prove people wrong; I just need to prove why I am right.
The second thing is smaller in comparison but shows the impact that changing your mindset can have. I reached out to a lady with information about Elizabeth and White as an ad-hoc personal assistant business. She replied by telling me that it isn't something she is interested in at the moment, and stretched her reply to apply to the whole creative industry and the changes that are occurring at this time. I read the reply as patronising, and a part of me thought “should I be taking a step back and forgetting about my business until things settle?” But life is uncertain, stability cannot be predicted, and nothing is gained if you don’t do something to gain it. I was glad she got back to me in the first place of course, but was more grateful that her voiced perspective re-enforced my belief in the business as an asset to alleviating the stresses caused by changing circumstances and every day life. To have somebody offer to get things done on your behalf, to rid of some of those tasks that consciously and sub-consciously play on our minds, and to help us manoeuvre into this new and different way of living is so valuable. If I hadn't used my first failure as fire to making something of my business, I would have read this reply and been tempted to pack it in all together. But I believe in the business, I believe in its power to help, and I believe in myself as the professional and personable assistant that a busy life needs.
Talking to people about this week’s failures makes my stomach hurt and a lump form in my throat. Even typing this has made me falter in my spirit. But I will not and do not cry for long, because I can’t work with tears in my eyes. Instead I open them wider: I see my failures, I face the feelings, and I use them both as blocks of wood in the fire that fuels my self-awareness, my aspirations, and the work I need to do now to get to where I want to be.
Failures are sent to test us, they are ours to embrace, so do so.
Inhale the upset, exhale the aggro, acknowledge the energy and let it flow…
...directly into the fire that makes you GO.
What failures have you experienced in your career, in your personal life or in your every day living? I want to know how you failed, if it altered your way of thinking, and if not, whether the Change your Mindset series is something that may help you. Email elizabethandwhite.contact@gmail.com.
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